Welcome to my morning ritual!
I endure Dog stuff, Chicken stuff, Horny dogs, Rogue Rouen Ducks and psychotic menopausal dysfunctional moments (cutting my long hair crooked and off at neck length 2 weeks ago in the bathroom at 12pm with small paper scissors) “yup I really did”!
Barb 19, maybe I’ll see you in the nut house one day?
“She said I’m gonna cut my hair”!…AND HE SAID “oh geez”
I WAS SO SO SICK OF IT
I grabbed a little pair of scissors, stomped into the bathroom, pulled two handfuls to the front and wacked away 😆 I am HAPPY AND FREE NOW.
Now back to 13 easy steps that should get you to a nuthouse.
Welcome to my morning ritual
WE CALL HER BABY, SHE WAS AN OLD UNWANTED MIN PIN
3: Ran to other end of house, back porch, Loyal State Trooper gallops like cow behind me. Put on coop poop boots. In house coat I scurry out to water and feed ducks and chickens. Coop door frozen shut with ice. Look for ice pick buried in snow, find ice pick but now my fingers are froze, I can’t use it. Grab coop door and reef on it for all I’m worth. State Trooper stands behind me, trips me as I heave backward. Fall in snow.
LOYAL STATE TROOPER ALWAYS IN MY WAY
He helps me a lot (not) in Persistence of an alley cat brains of knat
4: Now in coop, can’t think, too cold. Can’t compete with Troop for eggs, watch as he grabs two, chows down. I manage only to grab dirty duck water pail. Ducks now ticked I have their pail, boy ducks try to kill my legs again. Leave pen quick and turn to shut door. Look for Troop, damn it, State Trooper filled up on chicken shit again.
6: Hear strange far-off yelping? Holy Crap! miniature dog outside in front. Put down duck water pail, run to front door oblivious to trail of coop poop footprints I leave on the kitchen and living room floor, only thought, gotta save the hairless mutt.
7: Let miniature hairless mutt in, 3rd mutt runs out, not small not big not hairless, just medium. He’s ok for a bit. Run to back porch to take off backdoor clothes, I’ve already forgotten about the duck water pail waiting to go out.
SHADOW IS ANOTHER UNWANTED DOG WE TOOK IN…WHEATEN AIREDALE CROSS
Obviously brain not working cause I’m not wearing my backdoor clothes either, I’m still in house coat. Thinking surely something has to come off otherwise why am I hear instead of making coffee, I look down “oh crap” I wore my chicken poo boots in the house again! damn it! Take boots off.
8: Hurry to bathroom to get dressed and brush teeth. Get near naked, Damn it! clean clothes in dryer. Run to back porch, half-naked, freezing, retrieve clothes, step in 3 cats barfing crap, ” oh gawd! “still need to clean this” hop back on 1 foot to wash off crap, get dressed, brush teeth. Finish brushing teeth, nope not finished, broke eye tooth 7 years ago and have pretty piece of metal jewelry for my mouth, can’t find again, shoot!
9: Look all over. Fear develops, possible suspect? State Trooper, will eat anything. Have to calm down. If my teeth weren’t so damn big the gaping hole in front wouldn’t be so noticeable. Gotta get on with life, tooth might show up, getting old, menopause brain, could be anywhere, even the fridge.
MY NERD BIRD BREAD
Too make this french bread see my comedy post movie strip in nerd bird bread
11: Loyal State Trooper close by as always, staring at me this time. I stare back, he gets up and strides up along side of me, what a sweet-heart he is, I pet him, he humps air “oh my gawd” oh well! he’s a boy so he’s a pig. I let him out but not before I turn and step in the chicken-crap he barfed up silently behind my chair. Hop back to bathroom, remembered the duck water, shoot!
TROOPER, QUIT STARRING AT ME
12: Foot clean, put tooth in, let horny boy out, water ducks, pick eggs before they hatch, leave coop, come in porch, take boots off, open door, come in kitchen, turn, back to porch, put on boots, go back to coop, drag Troop out of coop, come back in house, make coffee.
13:Now feeling like a mad cow I pour coffee, get bread going, sit at computer, light smoke, get comfy. Did I make it? think I made it, hear complaining, didn’t make it, loud complaining, demanding complaining. Cats…I think I’ll try to can them again.
See my post cats in a bean can…it’s a non fiction story that’s good for a laugh.