I started this blog in 2011 with absolutely no intelligent direction or purpose and I didn’t know what a blog even was but, I’m always ready to try something new to fry my brain so Continue reading ABOUT MY BLOG betterhomeskeepducks
Once upon a time, down in dung beetle alley in the middle of New Orléans, there lived a little mouse family. Marvin and his wife Mrs. Marvin. They met each other while sampling low sodium red kidney beans, side by side at the local low income organic bean market.
Marvin was intoxicated by her aroma and captivated by her child-bearing hips. He felt desirous gurglings in the lower half of his body so he proposed to her that night. She said “yes” and he placed a low sodium kidney bean can lid on her head to seal the deal. As man and wife they were now legal to explode into feverish love-making sessions, and they did…often….very often.
Marvin built an exquisite home with red pickle kidney bean vines and a dung beetle ball playground for the children they would have. They had many love-making sessions and produced a bean house full (863) of little Marvin babies.
Mrs. Marvin lost her fine figure after baby 863. She got cranky and hot-flashed daily. Marvin was scared of her and slept in the spare room. He read marriage magazines at night and found an article on menopausal women.
He knew she was only safe to approach and talk to after the nightly foot rub he gave her. He waited until then to read to her. She listened to the medical report then went to the doctor to get her tubes tied. Her mood returned to normal and Marvin was not scared anymore but was very happy because…
Even after 7 long days of marriage and 863 kids, he was still attracted to his fat beach ball wife. They continued their frisky marriage courtship and the children played with the dung beetle balls.
That night in a dream The Lord told Marvin to fashion a bow and arrow. Marvin woke from his dream and thanked the Lord for the great idea.
He took a carpentry course the very next day down at the corner Home Depot store. He made a 15th century cross-bow and an arrow. He was ready for big game hunting now. He asked Mrs. Marvin to pack him a high energy low sodium bean lunch for his hunting trip.
Along with this special request diet she placed a little love note in his lunch box. She also rubbed a little piece of potato peel up and down herself where she sweats the most and added this to the love note.
While Marvin was hunting his blood sugar dropped so he stopped to eat. He read the note and was once again intoxicated by the aroma of his beloved that lingered on the potato peel.
He was quickly rejuvenated by the high energy low sodium lunch but even more, he was inspired greatly by the potato peel scent of his woman. With this simple refreshing he was able to tag snag and drag himself a very big fat piece of fresh meat.
Marvin told Mrs. Marvin that her scent smeared on the potato peel drove him mad with excitement. It had birthed forth within him a new fearlessness he had not felt before.
He told her from now on they dine on low sodium beans and fresh hot stuff, simmering in their kidney bean can soup pot. Thanks to answered prayer and her erotic scent smeared on a potato peel.
The moral of this story is:
A cat in a bean can is not a bad idea.
Question & Answer Time
Q: Will a cat really fit in a bean can?
A: No they won’t, I wish they would.
Q: Do you have a cat?
Q: Did you try to put them in a bean can?
A: Yes I tried.
A: I would like them better if they were canned.
My rough side.
Meet Bud The Stud..Santas New Lead Hand
Bud the Stud looks like crud and hangs out in the john
He’s always ill from homemade swill, but still he mushes on
He cannot spell or write to well, so Santa took him in
He pulls the sleigh on Christmas day, while drinking rum and gin
EVERY TRICK I KNOW
MEET MERRY MOO
I’m Merry Moo I smoke and chew, my milk will make you drunk
I have some broken teeth and I smell just like a skunk
My brain is fried from grass I’ve tried, so I feel really great
But these old tricks aren’t working, I just can’t get a date
There it is, my naughty side.
We pride ourselves on speeeedy delivery. Thank you for your business Lady.
Note to Breaky Bones. I just got a call from my neighbor. I gave her a loaf of my Nerdy Birdy Bread (french bread) just to be nice. She said she wants a loaf weekly and she even upped the price I was charging. She said it’s worth $7 buckaroonies. I was charging $5. Cool eh
I tried to run a small bakery in my home for a little while. I figured it would be a good platform to build a small home business doing things I love to do so I got creative with both baking and art combined. I called it Cartoon Kitchen and my tag line was the art of a baker. It did well enough but I wasn’t able to keep up to the demand for my homemade bread without a large dough mixing machine so I shut it down. In developing my kitchen I created my cartoons and started writing comedy style recipes and ingredient labels. For fun I continued to write, sketch and teach myself how to produce my cartoons on the computer. I still bake for not for sale. I garden and have discovered the joys of backyard chicken farming. I’ve designed greeting cards, shopping lists, calendars, books and the list goes on. Hope you enjoy it here and have some fun Continue reading The Art of a Baker…My published work
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YOUR CHARACTER IS OUTSTANDING
Your OTHER STUFF 😀 IS GOOD TO
House & Hound thank you for your participation
House & Hound is a private organization
Dedicated to the cause of good stuff & laughter for all
UNLESS YOU’RE A RAT
The cat in the photo is eating a rat. House & Hound warns against these practices. It’s primitive and unnecessary, we have a deli downstairs so please don’t eat this,
😆 ! GO GET A COOKED ONE ! 😆
Daily Post New Topic
Share something you learned recently
Was having trouble setting up with fancy words I see
Like widget, spam and “WHATS LOG OUT”? It’s all a mystery.
I called and said to dear old Sis, my head is in a fog,
I’m not so good at this, you know, please edit my first blog.
She said OK, just let me know when you log out, I’ll fix,
I’m pretty good at techy stuff, I know a lot of tricks.
I left the page and she stormed in to conquer and replace
The screwy mess I made throughout my little blogging place.
Half a day and cursing now, she said, “I need some drinks.
This blog of yours is HORRIBLE, your understanding stinks.
I cannot do a thing in here, my hands you see are bound
I start to fix a paragraph and pop-ups shut me down.
The pages freeze and tick me off, I’m stressed, I’m gotta quit.
You need to fix it up yourself, I really hate your shit.”
I thought that I would cry but then decided just to pout
But then I saw with toothy grin that I was not logged out.
MY SIS LOGGED IN TO FIX MY MESS
TO ORGANIZE AND PLACE….
MY BLOGS A MESS, IT STRESSED HER OUT.
NOW HERE’S HER PERMANENT FACE!
I’ve learned recently (yesterday) that log out and close page are different computer terms. My sister learned recently (yesterday) why some people drink.