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 I started this blog in 2011 with absolutely no intelligent direction or purpose and I didn’t know what a blog even was but, I’m always ready to try something new to fry my brain so Continue reading ABOUT MY BLOG betterhomeskeepducks


Cats in a Bean Can

Once upon a time, down in dung beetle alley in the middle of New Orléans, there lived a little mouse family. Marvin and his wife Mrs. Marvin. They met each other while sampling low sodium red kidney beans, side by side at the local low income organic bean market.

  Marvin was intoxicated by her aroma and captivated by her child-bearing hips. He felt desirous gurglings in the lower half of his body so he proposed to her that night. She said “yes” and he placed a low sodium kidney bean can lid on her head to seal the deal. As man and wife they were now legal to explode into feverish love-making sessions, and they did…often….very often.

Marvin built an exquisite home with red pickle kidney bean vines and a  dung beetle ball playground for the children they would have. They had  many love-making sessions and produced a bean house full (863) of little Marvin babies.

 Mrs. Marvin lost her fine figure after baby 863. She got cranky and hot-flashed daily. Marvin was scared of her and slept in the spare room. He read marriage magazines at night and found an article on menopausal women.

 He knew she was only safe to approach and talk to after the nightly foot rub he gave her. He waited until then to read to her. She listened to the medical report then went to the doctor to get her tubes tied. Her mood returned to normal and Marvin was not scared anymore but was very happy because… 

Even after 7 long days of marriage and 863 kids, he was still attracted to his fat beach ball wife. They continued their frisky marriage courtship and the children played with the dung beetle balls.  

Marvin fulfills his family duty by providing food at an exhausting pace every day.

He was so tired one night before sex and sleep, that he bent down and prayed to God for a miracle bounty of fresh meat to can and store in his pantry with his empty low sodium bean cans.

 That night in a dream The Lord told Marvin to fashion a bow and arrow. Marvin woke from his dream and thanked the Lord for the great idea. 

He took a carpentry course the very next day down at the corner Home Depot store. He made a 15th century cross-bow and an arrow. He was ready for big game hunting now. He asked Mrs. Marvin to pack him a high energy low sodium bean lunch for his hunting trip.

Along with this special request diet she placed a little love note in his lunch box. She also rubbed a little piece of potato peel up and down herself where she sweats the most and added this to the love note.

While Marvin was hunting his blood sugar dropped so he stopped to eat. He read the note and was once again intoxicated by the aroma of his beloved that lingered on the potato peel.

He was quickly rejuvenated by the high energy low sodium lunch but even more, he was inspired greatly by the potato peel scent of his woman. With this simple refreshing he was able to tag snag and drag  himself a very big fat piece of fresh meat.

He hauled his wild game home. The whole family gleefully ran out of the red pickle kidney bean vine house with the dung beetle ball playground to greet and eat.

Marvin told Mrs. Marvin that her scent smeared on the potato peel drove him mad with excitement. It had birthed forth within him a new fearlessness  he had not felt before. 

He told her from now on they dine on low sodium beans and fresh hot stuff, simmering in their kidney bean can soup pot. Thanks to answered prayer and her erotic scent smeared on a potato peel.

The moral of this story is:

A cat in a bean can is not a bad idea.

Question & Answer Time

Q: Will a cat really fit in a bean can?

A: No they won’t, I wish they would.

Q: Do you have a cat?

A: yes

Q: Did you try to put them in a bean can?

A: Yes I tried.

Q: Why?

A: I would like them better if they were canned.